⸻ Patronage ⸻

Maestro Pass

Become a patron of the flatulent arts. One time. One coin. Forever a Maestro.

Tier the First

Apprentice

Freeforever

A complete instrument. No tricks, no trial.

  • 16-key fart organ in C major
  • Default 'Classic' sample bank
  • 8-bar compositions
  • Engraved sheet music PNG download
  • Audio recording download
  • Post to Hall of Maestros (plain frame)
  • 4 extra sample banks
  • All 12 keys + minor mode
  • 16-bar compositions
  • Ornate gold/silver/platinum frames
  • Maestro wax seal on leaderboard
Start composing — free
F.B.

Tier the Second ✦ Most Popular

Maestro

$1.99once. forever.

The full suite, with seal and silver and gold.

  • Everything in Apprentice
  • Wet Cellos sample bank
  • Brass Section sample bank
  • The Quiet Considered sample bank
  • Trombone Mishap sample bank
  • All 12 keys, major & minor
  • 16-bar compositions
  • Gold heraldic frame
  • Silver acanthus frame
  • Platinum laurel frame
  • Maestro wax seal on leaderboard
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“
F.B.

A most edifying instrument. The counterpoint, while pungent, is rigorously voiced. I have already begun work on Book II of the Well-Tempered Colon.

— J.S. Bach

(allegedly. via séance, 2025)

Frequently Whispered Questions

⸻ A solemn promise ⸻

Your $1.99 unlocks every Maestro feature, forever. We will not invent new tiers and gate-keep them later. We will not charge you again. We will, however, continue to make new fart sounds. Probably.